Monday 25-7-2005 - 4:19 am

When we find ourselves surrounded by a lot of people and lots of voices, but still feel that a certain part of our heart echoes some thoughts and whispers of it's own, we start to think that this deep echoing gap would never ever be occupied again and would always give us those aches that sting us even if we're laughing so hard trying to show others that we're the happiest human beings on the face of the planet...

They say that any level of suffering always makes you stronger, for after living your life going through both it's good and bad, you start to realize that not every happy moment would last long and not every sky would hold on to it's dark gloomy clouds during the four season...

While memories flooded inside of me today, I moved my eyes around while I was sinking in my own thoughts and I ended up staring right into her eyes... and for the first time in years, I realized that she was always there to share the same pain with me.. she always understood what it all felt like.. and she, day by day, managed to lessen the sufferance I felt by making it comfortable for me to share some of those echoes with her... and making it possible for both of us to understand each other by speaking simple words, exchanging short glances or by simply being at the same place...

Allah might take away very precious people from us, but isn't The Most Merciful and The Utterly Just two of his beautiful 99 names?
by his justice and mercy on us, he Almighty blessed us with others who never hesitate to lend us their love and care at times when we start to believe that no one can ever do us any good, but in fact, those blessed ones prove to us that although they cannot become the ones we actually long for, but they can Definitely take turn in staying inside that empty area in our heart making much more room for smiles and laughs than there already is ....

Dam3at el 5a6r, I do not want to use the words "thank you" to express what I truly feel, but instead, ill leave my gratitude  indefinable and uncountable =) .....

anywhoo, it has been a looooong time since I last complained about the university ( that's because I'm trying to spend my vacation assuring myself that uni is NOT going to open it's gates ever again >_< ) but whenever she calls and reminds me of this awful nightmare of having to go through the same things all over again.. the complaining becomes nonstop from both sides and the sounds of "owaaaaaaaaaa's" fill the air .. ufff .. shall I keep on nagging on my parents heads or should I just try one more semester in this university and then take action about it when I was fully convinced that my .. no no i hate calling it my.. THE university is truly the definition of HELL!..? (actually i'm 10000% convinced) ... ahh i guess ill give it 1 more try and then wait to see what's meant to happen about this issue...

I wonder why this boy hates me :P

last but not least,

el7mdillah 3assalameh AWG! 3mra maqbooleh enshallah. You were truly missed and you know what? I DID NOT SEE THE LIGHT OK! lol jk! .. nawrat elblaad =)..
DeRosa, PLEASE come out of your shell girl!

Devilish, i've been worried since you told me about what happened on the day you arrived to your destination, i really hope you're having fun, and allah y7fa'9kum mn kilshar enshallah...

Saturday 9-7-2005 - 8:45 am

Going out in Dubai has become so uncomfortable.. I mean, everywhere you step you feel that it’s not where you should be, or your just not in the right place and you do not belong!...people even look at you in a weird way.. You can almost hear their minds saying “what are those LOCALS doing here?!” … I spent a day with my parents in Dubai Marine… and while sitting there I was thinking… we have really nice places in Dubai. And some places we have never heard about yet… some places are unique that they can’t be found even in those BIG cities, but then again, it feels like everything is left there for the foreigners to enjoy while all we’re good at is leaving those areas vacant for them. We’ve started to feel like strangers in our own land…

I cannot help but agree with my dad, he said that it’s all our fault - the nationals - which is true.. We draw our selves away from things that we have all the right to enjoy before anybody else…

Leave all this aside.. what really pisses me off is those foreigners who feel extremely comfortable and AT HOME in our country that they don’t mind walking around wearing whatever they’d wear at their homes!... or let me put this way.. They’d wear the tiniest piece of clothes in their wardrobes!... for God’s sake have some decency and believe me , WE DO NOT WANNA SEE SUCH SCENES! It’s so gross.. I can’t stop myself from giving them those looks telling them “you look disgusting!” or sometimes I’d just spit out… and then receive such hateful looks from them..
Oh just get lost people 5assalatkum ...

Miracle.. Sorry I couldn’t make it.. Sunday or Monday would be our day, alright?

De Rosa, I know I know, it’s been a long time!.. Please make up a day cuz I cannot think of a place nor a day.. I wanna see you girl along with devilish and al wasl girl, my kids.. before you all leave the country..

And guys don’t think that I am avoiding you.. I’ve always been the type that is not social even with friends and I am very closed from the world like you all know XO but this never means that I do not love your company and cherish it so much.. cuz you pretty much know that I do and enjoy every second love you guys!

I LOVE it!.. people, I have talented friends! I told you have the ability to create beautiful things, i adore your ideas devilish! God bless you my child

As a Muslim Arab girl, do you feel that you are not given your rights? Do you feel that you’re abused in society?..  do you think that Islam is holding you back from doing many things?... when I think of this and how westerners have this idea about us being treated like trash & that we’re forbidden from doing this or that, it makes me feel sorry for them.. I mean personally, right this moment, I cannot feel any better about being a female.. actually I love being a female!... I don’t wish to be anything else other than a Muslim female.. I have EVERYTHING and I can do ANYTHING within our Islamic boundaries… even those boundaries make us feel so precious… and they are just a way to protect us in way or another. What’s admirable about my beloved religion is that everything that is forbidden has to have a reason behind it... There’s always a reason for everything that is Haram... that's why el7mdillah, we're not confused like other people...

By the way,  HARAM is the only Arabic word that almost ALL our foreign instructors in the university are familiar with!

Before I end this, just wanted to point out that in the poem's section there are LOADS of spelling mistakes ill fix 'em soon..~
Kytheria... dxbgirl is really grateful hugs..

Check the Dubai Marine album...

Chawz..

Monday 3-7-2005 - 2:10 am

It's strange how the loss of one single person can cause major changes in many other lives, especially the lives of those who were strongly connected to that person in a way or another, some would say "he/she is gone and it's too bad, but we should go on with our lives..." some don't even shed a tear because they can not change the fact, they say!..... but, can we really live while ignoring the fact that there's something OR someone missing? and keep on living without ever referring to that person ever again?...

anyways, I've been spending most of this summer vacation at home and for the first time ever, I am not grumbling about it at all. I've been surrounding myself with 3 main things { Books, Food and my laptop } and believe me, once you surround yourself with the previous things you'll find yourself drifting away in another world, I mean what more would a person need?

me is currently reading this

this

and a bit of this book as well

a healthy meal made of books and salted vegetables no am not a goat

- I wish I was an expert in Macromedia Flash MX
- I wish I was familiar with all coding languages such as { java, PHP, css, SQL, VB .Net, C, XML . . .  EVERYTHING! }
- I wish I grow up one day and start using Dreamweaver instead of Microsoft Front Page 
- I wish I can run Adobe illustrator CS once for more than 10 minutes, it gets on my nerves for I don't know what reason..

There's so much I wanna learn.. but why does it feel like there's little time?... ill turn the above wishes into goals, because there's nothing that can turn on my jealousy other than seeing someone KNOWS while i don't !   that's healthy jealousy, ain't it?

for those of you who are interested in digital art, drop by this website, there's some much great work over there!

{ for all of those who were kind enough to leave me a comment on my website, thank you }